Revelations

My apologies to my handful of followers for my long hiatus from this blog. Ironically, it is not because things have gotten worse, it is because things have gotten busy. I will confess that I don't have a theme for this blog. There is so much to shed "lyte" on, but I can't seem to narrow my focus or to find a shared thread among the chaos.

Now that we are officially a duel-income family, the days fly by. Everyone has a full plate and since my husband and I are still carting our kids around to their activities, I don't have a lot of time to mull over things like I used to do. I have also taken a media break; skipping the cable news, glancing occasionally at the paper, and rarely going online to catch up.

I don't go on Facebook very much. I am finding that I prefer my friendships to be of the face to face variety, or at least phone to phone. My whole life has undergone such a fundamental shift over these past few months, I scarcely recognize myself. I am figuring out what I really want in my life, and what I need to let go of.

OMG! I am undergoing a midlife crisis. Who knew? I have been so focused on the basics of survival and crawling out of the wreckage of a former life, that until I wrote these words I did not realize that I am undergoing a seminal right of passage. Well, this makes things a lot more interesting. Now I have something to mull over in the spare nanoseconds between one thing and another. Now I have a unifying thread I can cling to in the maelstrom. I have found my focus and (gasp!) it is going to be me. Stay tuned my faithful few....

Change I Can Believe In

Today I am happily shedding a little "lyte" on change. After a long, hot, difficult summer, my husband has been offered employment. In a town with the highest unemployment rate in the nation, and the average job search nationwide taking 6 months, that is no mean feat. The job is not in his field of expertise, it is not at a pay rate that we wanted, it is a commission based position, but it is J O B!!

We are still in financial straits, but I am confident that that will work itself out, courtesy of some help from a lawyer. But the important thing is that we now see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not an oncoming train.

This process has wrought a lot of changes in my life and my family's. It has changed my view of all things material. It has changed my relationship with money. It has changed my definition of success. And while the events that prompted these changes was painful and stressful, I can honestly say that these changes are all for the better.

I have a whole new appreciation for all the things that money cannot buy: family, friends, and peace of mind. I have a whole perspective on our capitalist society and it is apparent that all of us; rich or poor, red or blue, need to rethink our values and priorities as a nation.

A country that does little or nothing to help out the least of its citizens cannot claim to be the greatest nation on earth. A country that pumps billions of dollars into a failed and flawed financial system, while allowing millions to lose their jobs, their homes, and their savings cannot advertise itself as the "American Dream".

I keep waiting for the gun-toting, flag-waving, bible-thumping masses that blindly follow Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and Rush Limbaugh to wake up to the fact that everything they are so angry about cannot be laid at the feet of President Obama, he did not create this economic disaster, he inherited it. When will the Tea Party, with all its claims of being a grass roots, Main Street movement, descend on Wall Street and hold those who authored this tragedy and profited so handsomely from it, accountable?

We need to rediscover the grit and determination that built this country. We need to start nation building again, and start with our nation. But for now, I am going to concentrate on rebuilding my little corner of the universe. But remember, I am just getting started....

Everybody's In The Pool

After an extended hiatus, I felt my muse descend and decided to shine so more "lyte" on surviving this economic tsunami. The last several weeks have been spent exploring places that, until recently, were places only other people inhabited. Collection agency, bankruptcy, and foreclosure are all very real destinations and may be some stops on my summer vacation.

It does help to know that I am not alone on this trip. I can easily say that everyone in my city of Las Vegas has been touched by the crisis. Some have felt a mere brush, while others have been pummelled like a UFC fighter. But like the cliche says, it isn't how many times you get knocked down, what counts is how many times you get back up. And my family and I keep getting back up.

I figure I have an excellent opportunity to demonstrate for my children how to act in a crisis. Actually, they are learning a lot of life lessons during this summer of pain. They learning that credit cards are tools but not crutches. That they should always measure their success by the quality of their life, not the quantity. That what defines you is not your possessions, but your relationships.

I am happy to report that despite enormous stressors, my marriage is thriving. When tragedy strikes, couples either turn together to face the crisis, or turn on each other. My husband and I chose the former, and it has made all the difference.

But I know this event is a game changer for our family. Our lives will never go back to what they were, no matter what the outcome. But that's okay, we are on a new adventure and the important thing is, we are all together and looking forward.

Breathing

I am shedding some "lyte" on survival today. It is amazing how you can find your equilibrium in even the worst of times. Yes, we have no money. Yes, my husband is still unemployed. Yes, the creditors have descended in a calling frenzy. But, that's okay.

Sometimes when what you fear the most finally happens, a sense of relief kicks in. And that's where I am at right now. When the awful moment passes and you find that you're still breathing, that life does continue on and even happiness is possible, a weird sense of contentment develops.

I must admit, there are times when "fear takes the wheel and steers" in the immortal words of Incubus. But I just keep breathing. The fact that I am still employed helps tremendously. I can bury myself for nine hours. And then I sleep for another eight hours. So there are only 7 hours in a day when panic can creep in and that is happening less and less. I am also working out everyday and really helps keep the jim jams away. But really, we're okay.

This experience is an intense exercise in faith, but I will blog about that another day. For now, all I am going to do is breathe in and breathe out.

Widespread Panic

Today I am attempting to shine some "lyte" on panic. Frankly, I am having a hard time shining any "lyte" on anything as my husband was let go from his job last month. Rats the size of Texas are gnawing at my innards, my thoughts scatter like lawn debris before a leaf blower and my sense of humor? Distressfully absent and will probably be found buried with Jimmy Hoffa.

Scant comfort can be found in the thought that my family is soooo not alone in this crisis. We are joining millions of other Americans who woke up to find their American dream morphed into a nightmare that even Freddy won't visit. Our savings are practically gone, so we are forced to find a way to live on what I make. And trust me, I don't make much. Essentially we went from middle class to near poverty in the space of 24 hours.

I work on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. But reality has a way of kicking the shit out of gratitude on a daily basis. Let's take health insurance as an example. I am very grateful that I have it and qualify for it at my job. Our COBRA payment would be larger than my mortgage, but it would be manageable with the subsidy. Unfortunately, we don't qualify for the subsidy because I am eligible for the plan my job provides. The kick? My premium for the high deductible, pre-existing condition waiving, thin blanket coverage is over a third of my already measly net pay every two weeks. The pay that is supporting my family. My children don't qualify for the SCHIP program because of my coverage at work. And the health care reform hasn't effected private insurance in any way yet because the exchanges won't be created until 2014. The bright side? My allergic and asthmatic child cannot be denied coverage.

So my blog will taking on a much darker hue in the coming weeks. Al Gore was right, crisis does create opportunity. I have many opportunities to vent and search for the "lyte" in the various challenges my family is facing. And you're all coming along for the ride.

A Hard Boot

I want to shine some "lyte" on rebooting. We are switching IT companies at my job and it has been a wee bit crazy. I feel a little intimidated because my IT knowledge is of the toaster oven type. I want my computing to work like my toaster oven; I put the bread in, set the timer, and ding! There is my toast, done to perfection.

Right. So, our entire system went belly up and my IT savior rode in on his white Prius to save the day. I thought he would push up his sleeves and start loading code. Nope, he gave our system a hard boot. To those of you who are scratching your heads, a hard boot is when you turn your system off and then turn it back on to reload all the programming.

I was amazed, all this IT know-how came down to doing what I do when my computer doesn't cooperate with me at home. Turn it off, turn it on, and pray. Okay, he did some other stuff too, but when in doubt, give it a hard boot.

Later in the week, we were having issues loading a printing program. Again, the solution was to uninstall the program and then reinstall it. Another version of the hard boot.

I am beginning to sense a theme here. Our world seems to be a batsh*t crazy right now. Everyone had a different prescription for how to fix it. So I am going to go out on a limb and suggest....a hard boot.

Now, I am not talking Armageddon. But since we are losing an hour of time this weekend anyway, let's just metaphorically load all garbage of the past few years into that hour and kiss it goodbye. A nice fresh start on Sunday morning. A hard boot.

Another Headstone

I want to shine some "lyte" on rites of passage. Our modern society is bereft of rites of passage. There just aren't that many activities that adults do that young people do not have access to. The lines between childhood and adulthood have become increasingly blurred.

Is that a good thing? I am not sure. Children are becoming jaded, miniature adults, complete with their cell phones. Teenagers set the bar for what's hot and what's not. I think part of the appeal of the show "Mad Men" is that back then, it was cool to be an adult. Age was admired, and the rights and responsibilities of adults were significantly different from children.

But now it is all about the young. You aren't even allowed to look your age. I am as guilty as the next, I still shop primarily in the junior section, not misses. But I draw the line at Botox or Juviderm, or other artificial means of rejuvenation. I have my standards.

Back to rites of passage. One rite is still going strong here in the good, ole USA. You still have wait until you're sixteen (and in some states, eighteen) to drive. Both of my kids got their permits over the last weekends, and it suddenly hit home that they are growing up......and away.

I have said it before, parenting is one long goodbye. But the day you stop carting your kids around is the one of hardest goodbyes of all. Not only are you facing the undeniable fact that you are becoming largely superfluous in your children's lives, but that they now have the means and the desire to go out into the world without you.

And it is a scary world.