What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been

I am shedding some "lyte" on milestones today.  My husband and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.  The silver anniversary, so if you want to send gifts, make sure they are of the precious metal variety.

25 years is a long time.  Many of the couples that started out on this journey with us have fallen by the wayside.  My husband and I aren't special, we didn't practice any marital voodoo.  We faced the same ups and downs that all marriages face, we just did it together.  Most of the time.

There were years were we did not see eye to eye.  At times the mere sound of him breathing was enough to drive me crazy.  I am sure I irritated him as well, though I doubt as much.  We went through the waning of passion, the power struggles.  The life changes:  birth of progeny, loss of jobs, deaths of parents.  We were kids when we married and now we can't believe that twenty five years have passed.  We swear our parents were older when they celebrated their silver anniversaries.

When we got married, Reagan was in the White House and the Berlin Wall still stood.  People were just starting to talk about AIDS.  We were just coming out of a recession. (some things never change!)  There were no cell phones, personal computers, or world wide webs.  The hottest thing was cable TV. People were debating VHS versus Beta.  MTV still played music videos.  Our wedding was video taped, but the camera was the size of Buick and the camera man had to go home and change because he sweated through his clothing during the church service. 

We had our reception at the newly built Moose Lodge.  We served cold cuts and had a kegger.  I heard "Celebration" played for the first time at my wedding reception.  My parents shelled out $5000 for entire wedding, including my dress.  We honeymooned in Michigan.

You see, it isn't how grand your start is, it is in how you finish.  A wedding is just one day, it how you spend the next 9124 days that count.  I am happy to say that passion returns, troubles pass, and power can be shared......sort of.

Here's Your Hat

I am shedding "lyte" on exits today.  I know a lot has been going on:  Michael dying, Maddoff getting sentenced to 150 years, "Transformers II: Revenge of the Fallen" grossing a gazillon dollars.  But if you haven't noticed, we're withdrawing from Iraq.

"Iraq?" I hear you say, "Isn't Iran the new Iraq?"  No, it isn't because we are still occupying the sovereign nation that ends with a "Q" and boy, are they sad to see us go.  Actually, they are having massive celebrations.  Parades, flowers, tears of joy; all the stuff that Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, etc., claimed we would be greeted with.

We pulled all our troops out of Baghdad today, the official handover is at midnight tomorrow.  Wow, it only took 6 years, 4000 American lives, uncounted thousands or possibly millions of Iraqi lives, trillions of borrowed money, to make this day happen.  We should be proud.

I wonder if Keith Olbermann will stop his count on "Countdown"?  He ends every show with the total of days since former President Bush declared "Mission Accomplished" on that aircraft carrier.  Poor guy, what will he count now?

Of course, we are still occupying Iraq.  Our soldiers are just confined to our bases.  The full pullout won't be until 2011.  We still have that enormous "embassy" in Baghdad, bigger that the Vatican, but not as pretty.  And we still have a long way to go in repairing our image and relations in the area.  

But hey, we're sorta, kinda out of there.  We're like an uninvited houseguest who just agreed to stay in the guest room and stop raiding the refrigerator.    

The King Is Dead

I want to shed a little "lyte" on media frenzies.  If you haven't heard already, Michael Jackson is dead.  And the mainstream media is going bats@*t crazy.  It is all Michael, all the time.  He would be so proud.

Poor Farrah Fawcett, her death was totally overshadowed.  Her passing was announced in the morning, but Jacko's happened in the afternoon.  King of Pop and alleged child molester trumps pin up beauty.  

I guess it trumps everything else in the world too.  I bet Governor Mark Sanford is heaving a big sigh of relief, the news cycle pivoted from his affair to Michael's death.  The Iranian government is probably celebrating as well.  The Iranian uprising has now jumped the shark, it is the cardiac arrest and death of a spooky, washed up former pop star that has captured the world's attention. 

I mean this feeding frenzy puts the one surrounding Anna Nicole Smith to shame.  "Who?" I hear you ask.  Tsk, tsk, we forget so fast and so easily those who once fascinated us so thoroughly.  Jon and Kate can get divorced in peace now.  All paparazzi have scurried to LA.  I bet Brad and Angelina could take the kids out for a walk and have no pictures taken.

I mean Michael Jackson's death has it all.  Incredible backstory, rumors of drug abuse, a potential child custody battle.  Yummy!  His death nearly paralyzed the internets.  My husband called me in route the dentists to tell me of his passing.  He had checked Drudge Report and it was saying that Jackson was dead.  I turned on CNN on my satellite radio and Wolf Blitzer was talking about Michael in the present tense.  I called my husband back and told him that according to CNN, he was still alive.  I walked into the dentist's office and one woman was trying to confirm the news with friend in LA.  Another man was checking Drudge on my advice.  You could hear all of the dental staff murmuring about it.  "Is is true?"  "How sad!"  "I loved Thriller."

It is amazing that the death of a former Motown star who underwent the most extreme makeover in history has captured the attention of everyone on the planet who has access to a television or a computer.  His death also highlights the speed that information is now disseminated.  I bet as soon as his death was called at UCLA medical center, some enterprising technician or nurse grabbed their cell phone and texted the news.  And the avalanche began.  Now excuse me, I got go watch a tribute on E!

 

Honor and Cherish?

Today I want to shed some "lyte" on infidelity.  In just one week, two high profile, presidential hopefuls, Senator John Ensign (R-NV) and Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) have been forced to admit to extramarital affairs.  Ensign was tipped off by Faux News that the jilted husband was threatening to go public, Sanford tried to slip away to see his Argentinean mistress and was met by a member of the media when he landed at the airport.  Stunning examples of the dichotomy of integrity that exists in our fourth estate today.

But I don't want to discuss the journalistic ethics of Faux News, that is a rant for another day.  What I want to examine is why do famous politicians cheat?  There is a long and storied list of senators, representatives, governors and presidents that all share one thing in common:  they got caught.  Starting with Gary Hart and ending (for now) with Mark Sanford, most of these privileged, white men have seen their political careers explode with the airing of their dirty laundry.

Why would they take such huge risks?  Surely by now it is known that no one who is a public servant is ever out of the public eye.  John Kennedy wouldn't have lasted 48 hours in today's 24/7 news cycle.  So what is so important about some strange, that you would put your life's work in jeopardy?

I asked an expert on the male psyche, my husband.  He postulates that for most of these men, sex with your spouse is just too tame.  He may be on to something.  Politicians are by nature gamblers.  They willfully expose themselves to risk every two to six years by running for reelection.  Perhaps they feel the need to recreate the high of campaigning by schupting on the side.

Also, most politicians have massive egos.  Let's face it, in any marriage, the "OMG, you're so awesome!" stage is short-lived at best.  I have always suspected that reason men leave their wives for younger women isn't for the perky breasts, but the nubile mind.  Younger women have lower standards.  It is easy to impress a 22 year old if you have a cool car and can pay for drinks.  A 42 year old who has been washing the skid marks out of your shorts for two decades has decidedly higher benchmarks.

Or perhaps these men are simply human.  Infidelity has been around almost as long as fidelity has been.  But why is it always men who are caught?  Quick, name one high profile female politician who has been caught getting her kitty polished.  I'm waiting....... 

 

Where In The World Was Governor Sanford?

I want to shed some "lyte" on vacations.  South Carolina's governor, Mark Sanford (R), went AWOL.  He took off for a break after a contentious legislative session where he attempted to refuse stimulus money, only to be overridden by his congress.  No one, including his wife and staff, had any idea where he was.

As the media speculation mounted, his staff said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.  Only problem with that story was there was a government vehicle found at an airport, not a trailhead.  Now, the missing governor has returned and claims he was in Argentina.

Yes, I said Argentina.  He claims he thought about going hiking, but decided to go somewhere "exotic".  Argentinean officials would not confirm the story, citing privacy laws.  The Governor said he drove along the coast of a "beautiful city".

The problems with this story?  One, it is winter in Argentina.  Two, there is only one coastal road you can drive in Argentina and it is only 2 miles long.  So he must have driven up and down that road....a lot.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is more to this story.  Sanford will be having a news conference this afternoon.  I can't wait to hear more. 

UPDATE

The South Carolina governor and possible presidential candidate, Mark Sanford (R) admitted to an extramarital affair.  I liked to be shocked, but I'm not.  The obviously lame story, his wife's lack of concern over his whereabouts on Father's Day weekend, the scrambling of his staff, all pointed to some off-the-record nooky.  He met the woman online and the relationship gradually progressed to a physical one over the past year.  The governor's wife, Jenny,  knew of the affair for the past five months.  Wow, this makes two prominent Republican presidential hopefuls that have flamed out over affairs in the last week.  Stay tuned, they say trouble comes in threes.  

Deep Southed

I want to shed some "lyte" on eccentricity.  My sister came for a visit recently and left me a bag of books.  She goes to a used book sale in her hometown and scores a serious amount of reading matter for very little coin.  Having a huge bag of books saves me from going to the library.  Not that I mind going to my library, but having a supply of books on hand is like money in the bank for me.

I am an avid reader.  I have been on a tear lately, thanks to summer vacation and my sister's bag of books.  But what disturbs me is a trend I have noticed.  It seems that all the interesting people in the United States of America reside south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Book after book recounts the delightful adventures of the denizens of the former Confederate states:  "Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood", "Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love", anything penned by Anne River Siddons.  There are no characters that live in North Dakota, or Oklahoma.  Just page after page of deep-fried craziness with a side of blackened angst.

I could blame Tennessee Williams for the whole trend.  Of course, none of his plays have any humor in them, they bleed pathos.  But he started it, the humor just came later.  Is no one funny or interesting in Ohio?  

Is this the South's revenge for reconstruction?  Sure, we won the war, but they get the bestseller's list.  Is there a Northern equivalent for gumbo?  Or gullah?  Forget about the north, what about the west?  Are gay cowboys and suicidal gamblers the only thing we will ever be remembered for?  So I am calling on all writers who do not reside from the South to get with it!  Cook up some craziness Michigan-style, ya hey der.  Please, your country needs you.   

Do As I Say

Today I am shedding "lyte" on hypocrisy.  Senator John Ensign (R) Nevada, admitted to having an affair last week.  He resigned his chairmanship on the Republican Policy Committee.  Then he took a leave from his Senate post.  A paid leave.  This also puts paid to his hopes for a Presidential run in 2012.

Ensign was forced to admit the affair because the cuckolded husband, Doug Hampton, had sent a letter to Faux News anchor, Megyn Kelly.  Kelly "misplaced" the letter and no follow-up was done on the story, other than to call Senator Ensign and let him know that the story was being shopped around.  Another outstanding example of investigative journalism at Faux News.

Senator Ensign, in a feeble attempt at distraction, claimed that Hampton was trying to extort money from him in exchange for keeping quiet.  Neither the FBI, nor Las Vegas police are investigating those accusations.  The Hampton family:  husband, wife and son,  all worked for the senator.  All were summarily fired when the affair ended.

So, yawn, another Republican caught in a sex scandal.  This one is pretty boring, after all, it doesn't involve airport bathrooms, underage pages, or diapers.  But what makes this scandal juicy is the fact that Ensign campaigned as a "Promisekeeper".  You know, those guys who find it necessary to reaffirm their marriage vows with 20,000 or so other guys in football stadiums.  Who make very public pledges of their undying love and fidelity to their wives and back that up with bumper stickers.  So he not only makes a mockery of his marriage vows, he makes a mockery of an organization that is already pretty easy to mock.

Ensign is born again.  He has used his piety as a campaign tool.  Now he is revealed as just a tool.  Not only was Cynthia Hampton on his staff, she was his wife's best friend.  Ouch!  I give Darlene Ensign serious kudos for not being by her husband's side when he revealed his infidelity.  I hope she kicks him to the curb, since I doubt this was his first affair.  He went underground in 2002 when rumors of an affair with, surprise!, another member of his staff surfaced.  

The senator has  been an outspoken opponent to gay marriage, citing the sanctity of marriage.  I guess that sanctity goes by the wayside when confronted with temptation.  When the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal broke, then Representative Ensign was quite vocal in his denigration of President Clinton's behavior.  He voted for impeachment.  Hmmm, how the sanctimonious have fallen.  Maybe Senator Ensign should spend less time thumping his Bible and more time following its teachings.