Mam's The Word

I want to shine some "lyte" on secrets today. Some new screening guidelines have recently been released by the government suggesting that women wait until age 50 to get mammograms and then get screened only every other year.

This suggestion has been met for the most part with dismay since many women fear that insurance companies will use the new guidelines as an excuse to not pay for mammograms for women under the age of 50. And I do not doubt that some insurance company will "test the waters" by doing just that. Anything to make or save a buck.

I, personally, am not dismayed. I am secretly relieved. See, I don't get yearly mammograms. I know, I know, everyone says screenings save lives, but I disagree. I am mammarily challenged. In other words, I have small breasts.

For those of you who are not familiar with the trials of the mammarily challenged; the smaller the breast, the more painful the mammogram. Squeezing my teeny-tiny girls between two metal plates is uncomfortable at best and excruciating at worst. Plus, I never saw the upside of traumatizing my boobs and radiating them at the same time.

If, in order to prevent prostrate or testicular cancer, men were required to sandwich their balls between two metal plates and bombard them with radiation, I am fairly confident that a more comfortable option would be swiftly forthcoming. In fact, I am positive.

So for now, I will take comfort in the idea that for once, the government and I agree on something. But now I have one more reason to dread my fiftieth birthday.