Part of the Team

Today I want to shed some "lyte" on contributing. For the past fifteen years, my primary preoccupation and occupation has been being a full time, stay at home, parent. My husband and I made the decision well before our children were born that when the time came, who ever made the most money would work, the other parent would stay home. For a while, I was the primary breadwinner, but by the time our twins were born, my husband out earned me.

Losing 40% of our take home pay was not easy. We have had to live with debt and certain amount of economic uncertainty, especially in the last few years. But we both felt that the sacrifice was worth it. Staying home was not easy for me. At times it was mind numbingly dull and incredibly tedious. It didn't help that while most of society lauds women for choosing family over career, that praise is merely lip service. I got used to seeing zeroes on my Social Security statement and watching peoples' eyes glaze over when I answered that ice-breaking question at parties, "So, what do you do for a living?"

I did work part time for most of my kids' childhood. I volunteered until my eyes bled. But I missed having a "real job". So I spent the past few months looking for a full time position. Between the economy and the gaps in my resume, my job search was a true exercise in humility. No one would even interview me. I kept reminding myself that Las Vegas is one of the worst job markets in America, but it gave me scant comfort.

Well, out of the blue, my future came to me. I was approached in one of my part time jobs and offered a chance. I cannot tell you how much just the act of being interviewed soothed my much-battered ego. My joy was increased a thousandfold when I was offered the job.

I started today. And while motherhood has been one of the most fulfilling roles I have ever had, I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to work again. And while I have always contributed, I cannot pretend that a bigger paycheck doesn't feed me in a way that all the platitudes do not. Just don't tell my kids.

Great Expectations

I am shining some more "lyte" on parenting. Today I want to talk about discipline. This will be a multi-blog topic, because there is a lot more to discipline than just punishment. In fact, I don't like the word punishment, I prefer to use consequences, because that's what it really is. My kids are heartily sick of the phrase, "This is a logical consequence to your poor choice".

But first we need to address expectations. You need to know where your child is developmentally so you will have realistic expectations of their behavior. An infant is not manipulating you by crying, they are communicating with you by crying. A teenager is challenging your authority, that is their job as a teenager. By knowing what developmental stage your child is, and knowing what to expect, you will cut out a lot of needless aggravation.

Most libraries have a wonderful series of books titled "Your (insert age here) Old" by by Louise Bates Ames, Ph. D. and Frances L. Ilg, M.D.. These books saved my sanity. They really explain in simple language where your child is at and give strategies on how to deal with them. One of the interesting facts that they share is that most children move through a definite cycle of easy to difficult behaviors during a particular year. For example, we have all heard of the "terrible twos" but in fact, most toddlers begin the "terrible twos" at about eighteen months and are, in fact, easier to deal with when they are finally two!

So, if your child is driving you crazy, start by figuring out if they are doing on purpose (probably not) or if they can't help themselves. Understand, all bets are off when they are teenagers!

Do As I Do

I am continuing to shine some "lyte" on parenting. Today I want to talk about modeling. No, not the kind practiced by Tyra Banks, the kind parents need to do in order to be "good enough".

Your child learns in a myriad of ways. One of the most effective strategies is to demonstrate the behavior you want to see. Your child looks up to you, and looks to you for cues on how to be a grown up. Even if you are a different gender from your child, you are still a role model.

Want your child to be polite? Be polite with them in every interaction. Ask them please, and be sure to thank them. Let them witness you opening doors for others, chewing with your mouth closed, acting graciously.

Want your child to be honest? Tell them the truth. Sure, you can fudge a little bit; Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy come to mind. But in the big stuff, be as scrupulously honest as possible. Given too much change at the store? Return it. Make a mistake? Admit it. Hurt someones feelings? Confess, apologize, and offer amends.

No matter how many TV shows, movies, or video games your child may watch or play, you are still the greatest influence in their lives. You are not just taller than your child, you have to the bigger person as well.

A Delicate Balance

I want to shine some more "lyte" on parenting today. I teed off on bad parents in my last blog, so I want to talk about good parenting in this post. What is the point of talking about what's only what's wrong, you need to discuss what's right as well.

First of all, parenting is a process. Your goal should not be perfection. You need to strive to be a "good enough" parent. Unfortunately, most parents go to one extreme or another. They either try to control every aspect of their child's life, or they become a doormat for their child in a vain attempt to be their child's friend. Like most things in life, parenting is about balance.

A "good enough" parent is a benevolent dictator. Your child should have no doubt about who is charge. But at the same time, you don't need to be a bully. Of course you are more powerful than your child, you are the adult. You don't need to rub their face in it.

But you can't abdicate your leadership role when your child doesn't like your decisions. Most of your parenting decisions will be about personal preference. It will be about how you like to have things done. Your child may not like it, but it not about what they like, it is about what they have to do. We all have to follow rules in life, and if your child grows up in a household with no rules, no boundaries, and no consequences, they will have a tough time in the real world.

One of the things a "good enough" parent does is choose their battles. Some things are non-negotiable: wearing a seat belt in the car, wearing a helmet when you ride a bike, doing your homework. Other things you can give a little on: clothing styles, haircuts, playtime activities. When your child is younger, give them a choice between two things: carrots or celery, Candyland or Pick Up Sticks, Good Night Moon or Pat The Bunny. This gives them a sense of control and empowerment. When they get older, give them more autonomy. Let them choose their bedtime on the weekends, what movie to watch on movie night, or what game to play. Parenting is a process of letting go. By giving your child a lot of practice making good decisions, you can trust them more when the stakes get higher.

Rotten Fruit

I am shining a "lyte" on parenting today. There is a biblical phrase, "By their fruits, ye shall know them." I can't remember what book or chapter it is from, but I know it is New Testament. The quote is talking about a person's character and depth of faith, saying that you will know if someone is doing good by the results you see in their life.

The same is true for parenting. All the hard work you put in in the early years pays off when your kids get older. Parenting is an exercise in faith. You will not see the fruit of your labor for years, even decades. It is not fun, and you're not doing it just for yourself, but for our society. A good child will most likely grow up to be a good citizen.

Lately we have seen some scary examples of dismal parenting. The young man that was set on fire in Florida. One of the parents of the alleged perpetrators said, "Wrong place, wrong people." I was appalled. It is an echo of the phrase, "Mistakes were made." Something we heard a lot during the Bush years. A 15 year old child does not set another child on fire by accident. Not wrong people, wrong parents. Not wrong place, wrong choices.

The outbreak of youth violence has many perplexed. I see it as culmination of poor parenting, the desensitizing of young people to violence by movies, TV, and video games. If you regularly "kill" someone on screen, how much of a leap is it to want to try it for real? If all you see is violence as a solution to conflicts, how can you make an informed choice? If you are essentially raising yourself, who are your role models?

Then you have the Gosselins. You put your family on display for America. Let your children be filmed almost from birth. Portray yourselves as an ideal family. Then you hit a rough spot. Air your dirty laundry in every tabloid and TV show. Exchange accusations in the press. Bring your girlfriends home. Accuse one another of theft. They are a microcosm of what has gone so horribly wrong in this country. What ever happened to privacy? Decorum? Manners? Adult behavior?

Another stunning example of piss-poor parenting is the boy in the balloon. Here are parents willing to do anything to get on TV. They involve their son in a hoax. The poor kid has more integrity than his parents; when he is asked if the event was staged, he pukes rather than tell a lie.

What is our society coming to? My generation is doing all of us a disservice by trying to be friends with their children. You have to be a parent. But there is hope. Children usually do one of two things when they become parents: follow their parents' example or do the exact opposite. Perhaps these kids will choose the latter.

BFD

Today I am shining some "lyte" on prosperity. In case you didn't notice, the Dow Jones Industrial Index hit 10,000 yesterday. There was dancing in the stock exchange, hats, and banner headlines throughout the internet. Yawn.

I mean, so what? Stockbrokers are back to making money again? Yippee! The rich are now getting richer? Sorry if I don't celebrate your good fortune. 514,000 people lost their jobs last week. That's reality. What is happening on Wall Street has little or no effect on Main Street.

I am happy for people who are retired, now they might start getting some of their lost savings back. But that's about it. And all this talk about the Dow started me thinking about true wealth.

I was hoping that this economic meltdown would cause people to readjust their perception of prosperity. To focus less on the quantity of their lives and more on the quality. It is hard to feel wealthy when you are homeless, hungry, and frightened. But if you are breathing, and are healthy, you have an opportunity to do something.

Do you have a loving family? A circle of friends? You're wealthy. Do you have clean water to drink and clean air to breathe? You're wealthy. Food on the table? Ditto.

A job? You are incredibly fortunate. A car? You're wealthy. A roof over your head? You're wealthy. Can you think, plan, and decide? You're powerful. Can you execute your plans? You're incredibly powerful.

Everyday, ordinary people do heroic acts of enormous courage. That's worth celebrating. The Dow? As my teenagers are fond of saying, "whatever".

If Only...

Today I want to shine some "lyte" on adaptation. CNN reporter Campbell Brown did a story on Michelle Mack. Michelle was born with developmental, cognitive, and physical challenges. For years, doctors were baffled as to the cause. Then someone did a MRI. Michelle was born with a half a brain.

Despite the early doomsday predictions about her life, Michelle works, can speak, eat, and walk. She is very good with dates and numbers. And she does all this without the left half of her brain. Her brain rewired itself, and this discovery is opening up a whole new way of looking at how our brains adapt to injury or birth defects.

Michelle will always need some help, but is surprisingly independent. She works from home, pays rent, and is contributing member of society. All this with a half a brain. So what's Glenn Beck's excuse?

Baby Fat?

I want to shine some "lyte" on the truth. The health insurance lobby has started a "major offensive" to battle to the reform bill. Despite claims that they welcome reform, we are now seeing a big push back now that reform is becoming a reality.

The insurance lobby commissioned Price Waterhouse to analyze the Baucus bill. Are we surprised when they find that Americans will pay more for their health insurance if that version of the bill is passed? Or that Price Waterhouse ignored the subsidies that would be put in place to offset the increase in premiums. Are we shocked that the insurance industry is using scare tactics?

But just as they roll out their ads, this story comes out of Colorado. A baby is denied health insurance because he is too fat. Yes, a four month old, who is in 99 percentile in height and weight, was denied coverage. According to Rocky Mountain Health Plans, little Alex Lange suffers from a pre-existing condition, obesity. Alex is breast fed. So, should his mother feed him less? Sign up a 4 month old baby for the gym?

A strong public option is the only remedy for situations like these. Insurance companies are only interested in one thing, profits. And if they have to step over cute, chubby, little babies to get there, they will.

We Aren't The World

I want to shine a little "lyte" on accolades today. President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. A bit of an upset, since the nominations closed in February and he was sworn into office on the 21st of January. So the committee had a lot of confidence in what they thought Obama was going to do.

He has not disappointed. The mere fact of his election made everyone in the world feel better about us. After 8 years of "if you aren't for us, you are against us", diplomacy disguised as bullying, having a president who actually listens to people and thinks about things is a refreshing and welcomed change.

The rest of the world may love our president, but here at home? Not so much. It is kind of hard to reconcile a picture of Obama as Hitler or the Joker with the phrase "Nobel Peace Prize winner". But the rabid right and the Republicans have no problem with oxymoron. Just look at the leaders of their party.

RNC chairman, Michael Steele, claims that Obama won the prize due to his "star power", rather than any actual accomplishments. "The real question Americans are asking is, what has President Obama actually accomplished?" Being the first African-American President is apparently not an accomplishment. And being an African-American himself, Mr. Steele again demonstrates the astonishing lack of irony that all Republicans possess.

So, congratulations President Obama. Maybe someday your own citizens will recognize your greatness as readily as the Swedes.

A Good Book?

I want to shed some "lyte" on biases. Remember how I say that conservatives feel that facts have a liberal bias? Well a group of conservatives have a liberal book in their sights that they feel needs to edited to remove it's lefty bias. The book, well, is The Book, the Bible.

That's right, the web site Conservapedia, has created a Wikipedia knock-off that is attempting to remove the liberal bias from the Bible. Apparently this web site presumes to do the original one better. They want to create "a framework against liberal bias", and "utilize powerful conservative terms". Two of their aims seems contradictory, they want to "not dumb down" the Good Book, but at the same time they "prefer conciseness to liberal wordiness".

Some of the examples of liberalism are priceless. For example, they don't like the quote in Luke 22:34, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." Because this quote is not found in the other Gospels, conservatives want to give it the boot. And Conservapedia is determined to root out the socialism that permeates the Bible. Terms like comrade, labor, and fellow worker all point to a slant towards socialism.

Jesus wept. Wait! Is that too emasculating? Should I say Jesus cried? Jesus mourned? Jesus ranted? Jesus likes Sarah Palin in 2012?

Guessing Games

I want to shine a little "lyte" on propriety. Quick! What do a famous late night talk show host and a senator from Nevada have in common? Times up, they both had affairs with women on their staff. They both admitted the affairs when someone threatened to take the information public. Their paths diverge when one of them worked with their blackmailer and the other one went public to expose their blackmailer.

Guess who is in trouble? The senator from Nevada. Big time. In addition to creating a job for the husband of his paramour, he went one step further and had his parents pay him hush money. Still worried about keeping the cuckolded hubby quiet, the lobbying firm that he set hubby up at mainly lobbied the senator himself. This violates Senate ethics. Yes, there are ethics in the senate, they are kind of like Mary Magdalene in Protestant churches; dusty forgotten things that are only brought out like once a year.

David Letterman's infidelity is getting a lot more press. Shocking to think that a famous, powerful man would sleep around. Would use his office, complete with pull out couch, as a love nest. Would have more than one affair. Yawn. Who cares? The only interesting twist was the $2 million dollar extortion attempt. What dim bulb would think that anyone short of the Pope would pay $2 million dollars rather than admit an affair?

So, nooky is back in the news. I have a feeling that Letterman will keep his job. Ensign? Stay tuned, that party is just getting started. Haven't these guys heard of Ashley Madison?

So Much Craziness, Too Little Time

I'm shedding some "lyte" today on choices. Normally, I find the topic for my blog pretty quickly. A news item or poll catches my eye and I am off and running. Not today, there is a lot of nuttiness in the nougat and I can't decide where to shine my "lyte".

A front-runner is the story out about Ted Williams' head. The storied baseball player's son had his head cryogenically frozen in the hopes that some day he could be regenerated. Creepy science fiction plot aside, just how to do you regenerate someone using just their head? That is showing a lot of faith in future technologies. But, apparently future scientists will be regenerating Ted from damaged goods. A former executive with Alcor Life Extension Foundation reveals in his book that a technician took "baseball like" swings at Williams' head with a monkey wrench. This story is appealing on so many levels and I was totally ready to run with it, but then I my attention was caught by this little gem.

TLC has suspended production of "Jon and Kate plus 8" at the request of Jon Gosselin. Watching this family unit unravel has been one of my dirty little pleasures. Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible for the children, it's the parents that I can't stand. Jon is obviously going through a major mid-life crisis complete with nanny booty calls. Kate is trying to appear as the victim, but it is tough act to sustain when you are a gold-plated b*tch and millions of people know that. Kate was ready to forge ahead with a new series, "Kate plus 8" but Jon belatedly has noticed that maybe filming a reality TV show when your marriage is dissolving just might not be the healthiest thing for your children. He shared his conflict with Larry King for an hour last night and now taping of the family has been stopped. Is it me, or is the timing of Jon's crisis of conscience a little too convenient? Okay, so this story had wheels as well, but then I wandered into the political arena and all bets were off.

John Boehner, House Minority Leader and poster boy for the dangers of spray tanning, is trying desperately to remove the taste of feet from his mouth. Boehner said on Thursday that he had never met anyone who supported the public option. Be careful of what you say now that there is this thing called the internet; you better fact check yourself or just shut up. Of course a person was found that had, more than once, let Representative Boehner know that they supported the public option. In fact, it was one of his own constituents who has repeatedly contacted Boehner's office. Twice by letter, with a written response both times and several times by phone. So Boehner ignores his own district and the other 65% of Americans who support a public option. Maybe a little Scope will wash that corn chip flavor out of your mouth, John.

Well, that's it for a batsh*t crazy Friday. Enjoy your weekend!