Mismatch

Today I am shedding a little "lyte" on opposition.  Our government works on a system of checks and balances.  The Constitution assumes that a vigorous oppositional party will be in place to check the party in power.  I wish.

It may seem counterintuitive that I would want a strong Republican opposition since I am a lifelong member of the Democratic party, but hear me out on this.  Trust me, I think it is wonderful that we have a Democratic president and a majority in both houses of Congress.  Often, what comforts me in these dark days is to just consider the alternative if McCain had prevailed in November.  Scary?  Down right terrifying.

This week the CPAC is meeting in Washington.  The big buzz among the conservatives?  The next big hope for the Republicans?  A thirteen year old kid named Jonathan Krohn.  I am not kidding.  This child got to address the conference and electrified the audience.  He started listening to Bill Bennett on the radio when he was 4 or 5.  He is careful to say that he is a conservative, not a Republican.  He supports the Republican party because it supports his conservative tenets.  This is frightening.  Nor because this child is already indoctrinated into a specific worldview before his prefrontal cortex has fully formed.  No, what is frightening is the dearth of leadership available to the conservatives and by association, the Republicans.  (Let's be honest, there are only about 5 moderate Republicans left, I call them "unicorns")

Earlier in the week, our nation was treated to the prime-time debut of the Republican up and comer, Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal.  He gave the Republican rebuttal to President Obama's address to the Congress.  Now, our current president is a tough act to follow.  But Bobby has been anointed by the de facto head of the Republican party, that sad clown, Rush Limbaugh. And if Rush likes it, it's gotta be good.  Governor Jindal's name has been floating around as a possible presidential candidate in 2012.  So here was his big chance to capture the attention of America.

Capture it he did.  By talking to us like we are all 6 year olds.  The title of the speech, "Americans Can Do Anything!" should have been a tip off.  He delivery style varied from channeling Mr. Rogers to channeling Kenneth the Page from "30 Rock".  When he was walking out, Chris Matthews of MSNBC was heard to utter "Oh God" on a live mike.  David Brooks of the vaunted New York Times and no bleeding heart liberal called his speech "nihilistic".  All in all, not an auspicious debut for the great hope for the Republican revival.

Why do I care?  As a loyal Democrat, I should be reveling in the demise of the GOP.  But I'm not, and here's why:  we need a vibrant and vigorous Republican opposition, not this sad, Reagan redux.  Remember, absolute power corrupts absolutely.  Democrats need a smart Republican party because the country needs all the good ideas we can get.  We are living in unprecedented times, and we have to have two political parties to step up to the plate.  Right now we have one party of ideas and the other is the party of platitudes.  Tax cuts alone are not going to save us, Republicans.  Trickle down economics has lead to one the greatest wealth disparities that has ever existed in this country.

The scary part is it looks like the Republicans don't have any other ideas.  And even scarier?  They don't seem care.  And we can't wait 22 years until Jonathan Krohn is ready to lead.    

Limitations

Today I want to shed a little "lyte" on limitations.  Being a domestic deity, I wear many hats.  Even as I write this, my cat is demanding my attention.  Or at least my left hand to play with.  Some of you may be curious about my "domestic deity" title.  Before you think me presumptuous, I used to put the title domestic goddess on my tax returns.  But one tax season it struck me, "I am many in one, the term, goddess, is too limiting."  Thus I upgraded myself to deity.  The US government, by excepting my returns, recognizes me as a deity.  Hey, if it worked for Kris Kringle in "Miracle on 34th Street," it works for me.

Now just because I am a deity does not mean I am omnipotent.  There are days when my well runs dry.  I get tired of being a big tit for everyone to suck on.  I swear, when my kids were young, I would here a tearing or sucking sound every time I tried to leave the room.  One particularly bad day, my husband came home to find all our houseplants out on the front yard in the snow.  He gingerly approached me in the kitchen and asked, ever so casually, "Ah, babe?  What's with the plants in the yard?"  I whirled around and said, "It's been a baaaad day.  And I have had it!  I can't get rid of the kids, the pets weren't an option, so the plants had to go.  If I have to take care of one more fucking living thing, I am going to lose my fucking mind!"  I have had bad plant karma ever since.

Even now when my kids are older, I still struggle.  My kids call me human Google because I have an inordinate amount of information stored in my brain, plus I can recall it pretty quickly.  I am also a good writer, and considered human Spell Check by kids as well.  At homework time, I am in demand.  Normally, I take pride in being so necessary, but some days I am tapped.  I want to make clear, I do not do my kids homework for them, I am just editor extraordinare.  My husband?  He fixes things.

Most women I know thrive on being needed.  But I have noticed that this leads us to drain ourselves by pouring ourselves into others.  I remind the stressed out women who come into the health food store that I work at, that they need to subscribe to what I call the "Oxygen Bag Theory".  You know when you fly?  They tell you in the case of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, you should put your oxygen bag on first, and then put it on your child.  You need to do this in life too.  Always putting the needs of others ahead of your own leads to burn out and resentment.  Mother Theresa was a saint, but she had no husband or children at home to tend to when her day was done.  She could just sit, pray, read, whatever she needed to do to renew herself.  Most of us stumble from pillar to post, handing out little pieces of our time and attention, and end up eyeing everyone like, well, like I eyed my houseplants on that winter day.

So, put your oxygen bag on yourself.  Tend to your needs first, it's okay, the deity has given you permission.  And if necessary, throw your "houseplants" out in the snow.    

 

Just Desserts

Today I am shedding a little "lyte" on consequences.  I have a bagful of stock phrases that my poor kids have heard since birth, these are two of my favorites, "I will not reward bad behavior" and "That's the logical consequence to your poor choice".

Like 99.9% of America, I grew up in a dysfunctional family.  Often, punishments were not tied to any particular crime and my parents definitely played favorites.  Don't cry for me, thanks to a lot of therapy and the strong support of my sister, I have emerged almost intact.  Anyhow, once I had my own kids, I vowed to be a different parent from my parents.

It's funny, how we parent is usually either an exact duplicate of how we were parented or the polar opposite, but that's a topic for another day.  So, I am continually frustrated to watch how often bad behavior is not just rewarded, it is positively celebrated.  For example, Rush Limbaugh.

This comic is a convicted criminal who abused Oxycontin so bad that he damaged his hearing.  He  allegedly doctor-shopped, had prescriptions written out to his housekeeper that were used by him, a real role model for today's youth.  Now, if Rush was you or I, no big deal, just another example of the wonders of modern medicine.  But Rush Limbaugh isn't a regular guy.  His radio showed is listened to by millions of obviously confused people and he is the de facto leader of the Republican party.

He has regularly blasted ordinary mortals for their drug abuse, especially poor women addicted to crack.  He routinely called for tougher drug laws and showed no mercy for those caught in clutches of an addiction.  But when he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar?  Oh I'm a victim, I need help, poor me.  The very behaviors he mocked in those he considered as lesser human beings.  

Now when this clown was convicted, did he lose his job?  Did his listeners, charmingly referred to as "ditto heads", demand the he take responsibility for his crimes and serve some well earned time as a guest of the great state of Florida?  No, of course not.  All is forgiven, here's a slap on wrist, a small fine, some time spent on probation.  He did have the decency to atone for his crimes?  Fat chance.  He now earns more money and has more deluded people hanging on his every hypocritical word.  If a Republican politician dares to criticize this former junkie, they get to go on his radio show and kiss his big, hypocritical ass.  I guess irony doesn't exist for ditto heads and Republicans.

Another example, banks and credit card companies.  They have taken our money to bail themselves out of situations that they themselves created.  Credit card companies changed themselves into bank holding corporations so they could qualify for TARP funds.  Have these companies showed the same compassion for the very people that bailed them out when those tax payers have some financial troubles?  Oh no, they raise their rates, cut off their credit, and torpedo their credit scores.  They hand out huge bonuses, go on junkets to exotic locales, and purchase new corporate jets.  They continue to foreclose homes.  Now they are fighting tooth and nail to limit the regulations our government wants to impose, the caps on executive compensation, and the opportunities you and I would have to renegotiate our mortgages.  I guess irony doesn't exist for bankers and credit card executives.

We cannot move forward as country if we continue to reward bad behavior and protect people and institutions from the logical consequences for their poor choices.  It is one thing to be a victim of circumstance, it another to braid your own rope, and then insist that anyone but you hang from it.  It is time for a little just desserts.  Open wide....

Self Control

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, but I had a rough Tuesday.  But on the upside, it is providing the topic that I want to shed a little "lyte" on today, self control.

This is something I struggle with.  I mean, I can exercise restraint in some areas:  my finances, my health.  But I am a passionate person, and when I get carried away, my governor disengages, but my tongue continues to operate at full speed. Add to that the fact that I am loud. Really loud, and the more excited I get, the greater the volume.  So you get verbal diarrhea  plus my eviscerating wit all at maximum volume, not a pretty picture.  Needless to say, this combination has gotten me into a lot of trouble and more than likely has cost me some relationships.  

And the thing is, I don't even realize the my volume is at eleven.  Part of my problem is that I had very serious hearing problem that didn't get discovered until I started school. The people who administered the test were amazed that I learned to speak at all.  I got tubes put in my ears and it was like a whole new world opened up.  Until then, I got in trouble all the time for not listening.  On top of that, I inherited the loud gene in my family.  I am not kidding, remember the Loud family on SNL?  Go to a family reunion on my Dad's side, and you will need earplugs.  We used to joke that my dad didn't need long distance, he could just go outside and stand on stoop and yell at his family back in Wyoming... from Illinois.  I don't need microphones, or  a speakerphone, you can set the phone down and still hear me just fine. 

Last night I watched President Obama address Congress and the nation.  I admire the President's cool demeanor.  He never gets rattled, he never loses it, they call him "No Drama" Obama. I desperately need more of that.  I was not a big Obama fan, I was a Hillary girl all the way-until the nomination. But even then, I had the same enthusiasm for Obama that I had for (I am totally dating myself here) Dukakis.  Then I watched the debates, and the more I watched, the more impressed I was.  Candidate Obama never got flustered, never rose to the bait.  Cool as cucumber.  Positively presidential.

So, I am hoping that I can emulate our president.  Yes I can keep my mouth shut and my ears open.  Yes I can stem the verbal diarrhea.  Yes I can roll with punches.  I want to stop being of the Joe Biden school of communication and begin a new era of hope and change.  Yes I can! 

   

 

Great? Expectations

Today I want to shed a little "lyte" on expectations.  Much of life is about managing expectations.  Studies show that Denmark is the happiest country on earth.  If you visit Denmark, you might expect to see happy, shining faces everywhere you look, but you don't.  For the most part, the Danes are a rather dour lot.  The reason they score so high on happiness scales?  They don't expect a lot.

Our country, on the other hand, is all about great expectations.  Our Declaration of Independence calls it "the pursuit of happiness"; notice that the founding fathers highlighted the pursuit, not the acquisition of happiness, as an inalienable right.  But our citizens, especially in the last 20 years, have felt entitled to happiness.  That happiness is right, like gun ownership, or habeas corpus.    

Happiness is elusive.  I have noticed that if I attach my happiness to an expectation, like when I lose 20 pounds, or arrive in a certain tax bracket, it is rarely as full or as lasting as I had hoped.  Don't get me wrong, good health and financial stability are good goals to have, but attaching your contentment to such goals makes happiness less a pursuit and more a destination.  But you can't stay in happiness.  It moves, it skitters away, laughing and teasing.  

Studies have shown that we have a happiness set point.  Certain events, both good and bad, can raise or lower our happiness level, but a some point we return to our set point.  Kind of like our ideal weight.  But if we expect happiness, do we get it?  If we assume that happiness is a constant, will you be happier or sadder?  

So back to expectations, I think this economic upheaval is causing most of us to reset our expectations.  Right now, I just want my husband to be employed.  I want to keep my house.  My hierarchy of needs have definitely adjusted downward.  Am I sad?  Surprisingly, no.  I find myself taking pleasure in the simplest things, the love of my family, the smell of rain in the desert, being able to pay my bills for another month.  So maybe the Danes are onto something.  You don't have to expect happiness, maybe just settle for it when it comes.        

 

Survival in this economy

Well, it's the weekend, and today I want to shed some "lyte" on the economy.  We were out last night with some friends and most of us had all worked in the sector that has flat-lined the most in the downturn, the construction industry.
Now for the sake of full disclosure, I didn't work in construction, I was married to it.  But for the last 3 years, my family has been an economic pinata.  My husband is unemployed right now and it is scary.  But we are both smart and resourceful people, so we'll work it out.
Anyway, one of our friends reinvented herself as a Barbie broker when she left the industry.  I am not kidding, she makes a nice living buying selling mostly Barbie accessories over the internet.  She was telling us that her business her in the US is practically nonexistent.  Most of her customers were now from the Netherlands, Italy, and Spain. I guess those folks are taking advantage of the weak dollar.  But her sales have dropped considerably and she is contemplating looking for an outside job.
Another friend has opened a short-order grill at the bar we were all at.  He had worked in food service in college.  Now that his career in construction was temporarily derailed, he decided that people have to eat, he likes to cook, and this kitchen was available.
While we were there, my friend's husband got an alert on his phone that another bank had failed.  We all ganged up on him, asking why would anyone want to be alerted any time something bad happens?  I mean it is hard enough to keep your spirits up these days and wouldn't he be better off getting alerted when a cute kitten was born, or when a child laughed?
I guess it is all about adapting and coping.  Some of us will reinvent ourselves, some of us will rediscover ourselves.  Some will need to know what is happening, for others ignorance will be bliss.  The great part was we were all together and were able for a few hours to laugh, to tease, and to love.  And that's where our true riches lie.

Personal Responsibility

Today I want to shed a little "lyte" on personal responsibility.  I originally wanted to blog about bipartisanship, but something happened at work to impel me to write about this topic.  I work with elementary school kids in a before & after school program.  Now kids will do something wrong on a fairly consistent basis, but they fall into two groups: those that own up to their transgressions and those that try to blame anyone or anything for their actions.  Try to guess which group fries my bacon.  I cannot stand it when someone doesn't take responsibility for their poor choices.  And the thing is, kids see adults do it all the time, and it's no wonder that they emulate the same bad behavior.

Like, Alex Rodriguez, its revealed that he did steroids and instead of just owning up to his incredibly poor choice, he blames it on his age.  He was 23 when he shot up, not 12, not 18, an adult who made the decision to cheat.  Nice example for all of his fans.  Age is not a reason, it is an excuse, and the difference needs to be made clear.

Another example, the Republican party.  They were totally in charge of our government for 6 of the last eight years. What are the fruits of their labors?  An economy in shambles, three broken countries (Iraq, Afghanistan, and the US), the largest terror attack in our country's history, the shredding of our civil rights, the drowning of a major American city, well, the list is exhausting.  What is their response?  That they "couldn't imagine" any of these things happening, that it was the previous administration's policies, that the Democrats are equally to blame, etc.,  At no point does anyone say, "We made some serious mistakes, but we are going to learn from them so you can trust us again."  

Here's another example, our financial system.  No offense, but your credit score is not an indicator of the content of your character, but does spell out how likely you are to pay your bills.  Giving loans to people with no income, no credit, and no down payment; then chopping the loans up into little pieces and combining them with other bad loans, I am not a financial genius, but I can tell you it's a recipe for disaster.  No regulations, never looking beyond your last quarter, leveraging your money at 30 to 1, all of this led us to where we are today.  And is anyone owing up to their part of the meltdown? No, just give us your tax dollars and let the market correct itself.

Lack of personal responsibility is a cancer in our country.  A virus, a parasite, that is sucking the lifeblood from our society, and won't stop until its host is dead.  When a kid does something wrong on the playground, I make them admit it, apologize, and promise not to do it again.  If they don't, they are not allowed to play.  If a 2nd grader can do that, then our country can too.  We have become a nation of whiners, and it needs to stop or we are all in big trouble and should be banned from the playground.  Or at least put in a timeout.          

A Clash of Generations

So, I told my family about my blog at dinner tonight.  One of them wanted to see it.  Another suggested that I email my father-in-law about it.  Never one to postpone, I went to my email account to send the news to my father-in-law.  Some friends had emailed me to say that they couldn't get on the site via my hyperlink and I realized that luddite that I am, I had typed it wrong.  Now my child could have sat down and solved the problem for me in about a minute, but nooo I had to do it myself. (I am very good at channeling my inner 4 year old)  All my kid wanted to do is see my blog, but I made them wait while I sloowly figured out how to correct my mistake and forward the correction to my email list.  And I yelled at them while I did it.  Cuz that's the way I roll.

Hello World!

Today, for my inaugural blog, I want to shed a little "lyte" on beginnings.  Reinvention rocks. I live in a city built on reinvention.  I am an analog girl, a true luddite.  But a buddy of mine once suggested that I write.  Now, I have trouble with large projects, so a novel or a book was a little too ambitious for me. He suggested that I write little articles about whatever.  I have an opinion on just about everything, and I am good at expressing myself verbally, so I had a brief career as a writer for a small magazine that went bust during the dot-com implosion.  Fast forward to today, and another friend of mine told me about blogging.  I mean, I knew about blogging, but I didn't get what the big deal was.  But it is like writing articles, but not for a magazine, but for yourself.  Okay, you don't have an editor, and you don't get the thrill of seeing your words in print, but you can make money and it gets all these thoughts out of my head and into yours.  What a deal.  

So, this blog is a new beginning for me.  I will be shedding "lyte" on whatever is bugging me, or has captured my attention.  I am new to this, so bear with me, I promise this blog will get more sophisticated as I go along.  I will take you along on the journey and it will be fun and will never be dull.  There is so much to talk about!