I am shining some more "lyte" on parenting. Today I want to talk about discipline. This will be a multi-blog topic, because there is a lot more to discipline than just punishment. In fact, I don't like the word punishment, I prefer to use consequences, because that's what it really is. My kids are heartily sick of the phrase, "This is a logical consequence to your poor choice".
But first we need to address expectations. You need to know where your child is developmentally so you will have realistic expectations of their behavior. An infant is not manipulating you by crying, they are communicating with you by crying. A teenager is challenging your authority, that is their job as a teenager. By knowing what developmental stage your child is, and knowing what to expect, you will cut out a lot of needless aggravation.
Most libraries have a wonderful series of books titled "Your (insert age here) Old" by by Louise Bates Ames, Ph. D. and Frances L. Ilg, M.D.. These books saved my sanity. They really explain in simple language where your child is at and give strategies on how to deal with them. One of the interesting facts that they share is that most children move through a definite cycle of easy to difficult behaviors during a particular year. For example, we have all heard of the "terrible twos" but in fact, most toddlers begin the "terrible twos" at about eighteen months and are, in fact, easier to deal with when they are finally two!
So, if your child is driving you crazy, start by figuring out if they are doing on purpose (probably not) or if they can't help themselves. Understand, all bets are off when they are teenagers!
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