A Delicate Balance

I want to shine some more "lyte" on parenting today. I teed off on bad parents in my last blog, so I want to talk about good parenting in this post. What is the point of talking about what's only what's wrong, you need to discuss what's right as well.

First of all, parenting is a process. Your goal should not be perfection. You need to strive to be a "good enough" parent. Unfortunately, most parents go to one extreme or another. They either try to control every aspect of their child's life, or they become a doormat for their child in a vain attempt to be their child's friend. Like most things in life, parenting is about balance.

A "good enough" parent is a benevolent dictator. Your child should have no doubt about who is charge. But at the same time, you don't need to be a bully. Of course you are more powerful than your child, you are the adult. You don't need to rub their face in it.

But you can't abdicate your leadership role when your child doesn't like your decisions. Most of your parenting decisions will be about personal preference. It will be about how you like to have things done. Your child may not like it, but it not about what they like, it is about what they have to do. We all have to follow rules in life, and if your child grows up in a household with no rules, no boundaries, and no consequences, they will have a tough time in the real world.

One of the things a "good enough" parent does is choose their battles. Some things are non-negotiable: wearing a seat belt in the car, wearing a helmet when you ride a bike, doing your homework. Other things you can give a little on: clothing styles, haircuts, playtime activities. When your child is younger, give them a choice between two things: carrots or celery, Candyland or Pick Up Sticks, Good Night Moon or Pat The Bunny. This gives them a sense of control and empowerment. When they get older, give them more autonomy. Let them choose their bedtime on the weekends, what movie to watch on movie night, or what game to play. Parenting is a process of letting go. By giving your child a lot of practice making good decisions, you can trust them more when the stakes get higher.